writing.as.amit

I couldn't write anything for the last couple of days. Or instead, I feel I haven't written anything for quite a while. But that's not the case. I have written a lot more than I did a few months back. Why do I feel then that I haven't been productive enough?

Is it because I have spent long hours at work and overworked myself empty? Is it because I have wasted a lot of time after work? Or is it both?

I don't feel good when I overwork — it leaves me with no energy to do anything else. It also leads to a need to unwind, forget all the routine stuff and spend time doing nothing meaningful. Watching YouTube. Scrolling through timelines. Sleeping long hours. Or catching up on shows that I wouldn't have watched otherwise.

After the hard, long work, don't I deserve a bit of relaxation? Sure. But at what cost?

I hate the process of getting back to a good routine. I need to work twice as hard on bringing things back to normal. Get the focus back on health – physical and mental. Walk. Exercise. Meditate. Read. Write. Listen to music. Sleep sane hours. Live with family. Live.

My life is balanced on four legs: family, work, hobbies, and health. I am stable if I give them equal attention. If any of these engage me more, my life wobbles for balance. I look for temporary support. Mindless fun lends me momentary respite. But before I know it, I am back to the struggle.

I know I must get my life settled onto the four legs again. Work at work hours. Spend time with family. Lend time to me, to my hobbies. Focus on health.

Do all of these. Just enough to feel in control but not so much to feel overwhelmed. The struggle begins today.