writing.as.amit

Caring for a kid and a puppy while home alone is not easy. With my wife out to the office, today was the day when I had to do exactly that for the first time. It has left me completely drained. It isn't easy to write freely in such a state.

I try to focus on my thoughts, but my mind is half-sleep, waiting for me to slide down the bed. I know it won't take much time for me to go into a deep slumber. Everybody around me already is. My mind asks me why can't I.

Today also lent me a period of loneliness in the afternoon while my daughter and Snoopy were fast asleep. I worked and read in peace, which has left me with a lot of budding ideas to chew on. I thought I would meditate on one throughout the day and put my thoughts in words, but the current state of my mind won't allow that. Ex-yawwwwnnn-hausted!

Though weary down to my core, I still love such a day. Any lone “me time” I can steal from my routine is worth its weight in gold. But alas, such moments have become rare.

I have written spontaneously in this space for the last few days. Sure, there's a schedule to it, but no structure. I show up at a fixed time and type away all the thoughts at the top of my mind. Most often, it's a single thought that's clouding my mind. But there are also days when I write about a few thoughts strung together. Then, as I begin writing on a particular day, I have no clue what I will write about, just like today.

I looked at the blinking cursor, and no thought jumped to the fore. Everything was mundane. Not something that I felt strongly enough to put into words.

It made me realize how difficult it is to be spontaneous while #writing. I had once noted in my diary that spontaneity in writing is priceless. It is. But it is not natural to me. The train of thought that passes by as I try to stitch the words together makes the job tad more complicated. Before I am through with an idea, my mind is already wandering to the other, more alluring one. I, then, write about neither.

Over the years, I have turned into a planned writer. I usually have a skeleton clear in my mind about what and how I want to say. The planning at times makes me numb.

That wasn't the case when I began writing and publishing on my blog. I was an instinctive writer then — when an instinct hit me, I got rolling. I wrote till the time permitted, and the thoughts flew everywhere. I had a vague idea of what I wanted to comment on. Precisely what and how were determined as I typed along.

The posts I wrote then sure weren't the best of my works.

Yet I want to find that writer within me again. He was fun. Next, lend him my experience from writing over these years. He will bring the ideas, and I will bring in the sanity. My anticipation for this space is to be that playground.

I hence append the note I had made. Spontaneity in writing is priceless. Just be prepared.

After three weeks of bearing the beard, I shaved it off today. That act felt nothing short of tearing it apart from my face. These three weeks have elevated my respect for those who regularly sport a beard. Maintaining this beast ain't easy. It grows willy-nilly. And twists and twirls. And bites the face. And scratches the lips. And pokes the nose.

I was done enduring all of that.

Even that wasn't easy to do at home, either. The beard struggled with the face. The razor struggled with the beard. And I struggled with the razor. Cleaning the mess the mayhem left behind was no less than cleaning up a crime scene. It took a toll on my morale. I needed a nice warm shower to get back to my #life.

I am past my fascination for a beard.

Surprisingly, the clean-shaven me felt much less burdened, as if the beard weighed kilos. With the weight of the beard off my face, I walked more throughout the day. A nice morning walk. And a long evening stroll around the neighbourhood. I paused at a coffee lounge and sipped my coffee slowly. It felt good not to share it with my facial hair.

For a Monday, today was also unexpectedly productive. I could focus on work better. I do need to improve my way of closing tasks at hand. I like to be particular. I have my way of building a list and ticking the tasks off the list. Though it works for me, I have stopped doing it. It is time to bring out the notepad & the pen and place it on the table again.

There's also an update on the meta concern from yesterday. Matt responded to my support request and has generously extended the trial by a week while he finds a fix for my payment issue. What that means is blog is up and running as before.

I am happy I didn't have to give up on this beautiful writing interface. Sure, the issue isn't resolved yet. But I hope Matt finds a solution before this trial period runs out. After all, the problem isn't unique, and I assume it has a standard, tried-and-tested solution.

I had almost decided that I would not publish anything today. My blog got unpublished as the trial ran out, and I felt frustrated that I couldn't get help from anyone from the platform. I still am. Can I trust a platform if it can't guarantee support and get the working of basic functionality right?

But I am not letting this #meta concern break my streak of publishing the thoughts. Life updates have to wait as I publish another meta update.

I have undone most of the configurations and have set up the redirects. Setting things up with a trial account as if it were a fully working project was a mistake. But then, I didn't expect basic functionality like payment to fail for a paid service. International payments are hard; I am surprised the platform didn't hit this problem earlier.

I wonder if I even want this update on my blog as I write this. When I started regularly publishing at this place, I thought the posts would be more personal. A slice of my life. But then, I had also said this space has no structure. No throughline. It contains what is at the top of my mind.

Venting my frustration about the platform is that today. So that's what I publish. I hope things sort out before I sit down for tomorrow's session. Another chance to set things right.

We had guests at our home today early in the morning. Usually, I would get a lot flustered when there's an unplanned visit. Not today, as these are the guests that I generally look forward to meeting in real #life. And the meeting we had. It started with lots of chitchats about nothing in particular. Chitchats are usually that, aren't they?

We followed it up with a brunch, all delicacies of our choice and liking. Home delivered. A movie screening with popcorn at home. Winding the fun down with fresh mango ice cream. Everything was sprinkled throughout with lots of chatter and laughter.

I love such pleasant mornings when you meet folks you enjoy spending time with.

On the other hand, this messed up my routine thoroughly. I didn't do anything that I had planned to do. A couple of projects have been pushed to tomorrow. Some planned study time with my daughter got delayed. I hardly spent time alone with myself as there was none left. I didn't exercise; I screwed up my diet. I hardly read anything — the streak, alas, is broken.

Fortunately, a streak that isn't broken yet is spending the time before bed staring at the cursor blinking in this space. That I enjoy doing, and I am glad I didn't miss it even on a day like today of messed up routine.

There is a sudden rise in minimal blogging engines that claim to have simple, no-nonsense writing interfaces. I guess many developers realise there is no point in fighting the big platforms like WordPress and Ghost on the features they are pros at. Strip out everything bloggers do not want and call that a simple system. But it is difficult to be simple and still attract users — you can't roll out the same features WordPress has, just in black and white.

As I have noted in a couple of #meta posts till now, write.as does it well. It has got a brilliant writing interface and a wonderful default reading experience. It is not minimal. It is just pleasant enough. And it is in this restrained form that it achieves simplicity and yet looks and behaves aesthetically to appeal to users.

In quest of going minimal, many systems strip out the polish off the features they provide. They look ugly. To me, it matters how the systems look. If where I write doesn't give me a pleasant vibe, I may not visit the place that often. I am picky about the fonts in the places I read stuff at. Flaunting system default fonts is not my definition of simplicity.

A simple system is not one that makes and gives no choices. Instead, it makes bold, opinionated choices.

It was a wonderful morning today — I spent time reading and #writing a lot. Nothing public. I made a journal entry in Day One after almost a month. And read a few posts from the read-later backlog. As I browse social timelines daily, I come across many excellent articles that I push to be read later. The list, though, continues to pile up. In my read-later queue are articles going back years which I know I would never reach. But they stay there, forgotten.

I do not like this and wish I would improve on both — make private journaling and reading from my feeds & queues more regular. However, I recently found brilliant services for this.

Given my love for Day One, I was psyched to read the recent update of it being available on the web. It makes the service even more accessible. I made today's entry from the web interface itself, and I was pleasantly surprised to see how clean the experience was. With the feature still in Beta, though, the developers have warned of the possibility of losing the data. That's not something I would like; hence I logged off immediately. But I do see the potential.

I am enjoying using Readwise Reader (also in Beta) as my read-it-later service. It has everything I want – support for subscribing to RSS feeds and newsletters. However, the most significant benefit is its integration with Readwise (duh, of course). So my highlights from the articles are regularly presented along with those from the books on Kindle. I love the experience Reader provides and wish to use it more.

I find it funny, though, that it is not my smartphone that I enjoy doing either of these tasks. Instead, the smartphone continues to be a distraction, something to be kept feet away from myself while reading or writing. That is all.

Somedays are frustratingly productive, leaving me drained to the core. I am that today. What started as a routine day gradually turned into a busy nightmare as it went along. The only positive is that it was productive. I did everything that I had planned to complete in the morning, and then I did some more. I also checked off a couple of unplanned but priority tasks that got added to my list.

I am not fond of such a level of productivity. Not that I don't want to work. I love working, especially when that work involves any amount of coding. The more complicated the problem, the better I feel.

But I have found over 17 years of working that such productivity levels aren't sustainable. They leave me exhausted, needing that much more of a downtime and cool-off period. I would prefer consistently efficient days to the occasional burst of high productivity.

That said, there is some innate pleasure in such productive days. As I wind off the day well spent today, there is a smile of satisfaction on my face. Could I push some work to tomorrow? Sure. But it becomes difficult to pull away once I am in the flow.

One would think that years of experience at work make you immune to such bouts of focus. But there is no negating the drive for productivity. Especially for someone who loves what he does. Someone like me.

I have always carried a clean-shaven face, yet I often want to sport a beard. Sure, I frequently keep an unkempt stubble. 2-3 days of facial hair is my look when I am not meeting someone. But if we are going out, I shave. Or if we are expecting guests at home, I shave. And if I see a tired me looking back at me in the mirror, I shave. Keeping a beard hence has not been easy for me.

I inherited this clean look from my father, who he shaves daily without a miss. That is part of his morning routine. A cup of tea can wait. I have rarely seen him with stubble, let alone a full-grown beard.

Yet, as I write this, I carry a week's stubble on my face today. I am pretty certain that I want to grow a beard this time. There is a fad amongst men in India to keep a well-trimmed beard. And that last part makes me nervous. It is not easy to keep a beard. It takes effort to maintain it. The beard needs attention. It needs grooming. I know because I already feel itchy after a week without shaving.

I know there are oils and beard washes to help with the discomfort.

But I ask myself, why put myself through all this trouble? Why not just go with what I know and am more comfortable with? Am I ready to pay the price of experimentation on the face? Well, time to find out tomorrow.

We are enjoying the walks around the neighbourhood with Snoopy. With this guy getting all the attention, it makes our evenings joyous. He is the favourite among my daughter's friends. And they all are his best friends. He enjoys running around and walking along with them. Neither of them can get enough of the other. The goodbyes are sad; none of them wants to go back home.

They can't even converse with him. He can't tell them anything. Yet you would commonly hear the phrases “he is tired now”, “he wants you to run”, and “he is saying slow down” as they play along. It is heartening to see the friends unable to talk to one another yet understand each other so well.

I had another realization today. Since we started walking Snoopy, I have been a lot social in general. Not swiping, committing and liking on my smartphone. But social in real #life. I have met and talked to many old friends with whom I had lost touch. And I love talking to people.

Why couldn't I do that when I went on my walks alone? Well, for one, I always had headphones in my ear. So the only interaction we friends had was a nod of acknowledgement. Another reason was none of us had any topic to make us pause in our steps. Now we do.

Will this continue? Who knows. But I want to enjoy these cheerful evenings as long as they last.